The Day My Teacher Heart Broke

Somewhere between the womb and grade school God called me to be a teacher. For as long as I can remember that was all I wanted to be. Although at 5, 6, and 7 years old I wasn’t quite aware of the importance of the heavy duty that went along with the career that God had placed upon my heart, I knew with my entire being that this is what I was called to do. In elementary school, it was more about passing out papers and grading them that appealed to me. Maybe it was the bright red ink that teachers placed upon my paper or maybe it was the respect and authority they held within the classroom. Somewhere between middle and high school, the reasons for becoming a teacher shifted towards making a change in the world. There was no weariness in my high school years of the career path I was going to take. There was no soul searching or uncertain decisions as to what the rest of my life would be. As soon as high school ended, I didn’t waste any time. I hit the ground running and I was on my long-awaited journey to become a teacher.

Through college, I never changed my mind although the negativity surrounding the teaching profession was on a high at the time, my ambitions stayed the same and I was going to do whatever I had to do to get into a classroom. Four years later my college days ended and after countless hours of observations and four months’ student teaching, I was standing in the middle of an empty classroom staring at empty chairs. Nothing could have prepared me for the next year when those chairs would be filled. I clearly remember standing in that classroom looking at each empty chair, wondering who would fill them. What would be their story? How was I going to affect them? I had a choice that day to affect them positively or to affect them negatively and although many teachers don’t realize this choice, the choice they make unfortunately is a bad one.

Three years later, I have stared at this empty room three different times now, each time, a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little better of a teacher. Recently, I decided that this place that I was at was not enough anymore. I have had the privilege to work at one of the best schools in the district. I could not be more thankful for the things that I have learned there and the knowledge and effective teaching practices that I have acquired. But it is here that I have realized why I became a teacher and who the people are that make teaching a negative profession.

I applied at (to put it lightly) the worst school in the district. That’s right F school. 92% of the students are at risk. I was very excited about my decision to apply for a mentor teacher at this school. When I began telling teachers, nothing could have prepared my heart for the response I was going to get. “Are you stupid”? “Why would you go there”? “Those kids can’t learn”. “I don’t have the patience for that”. My heart broke, not only for the students that these teachers knew nothing about and to be quite honest, who I knew nothing about but it also broke for the teaching profession. I got in my car that day and I cried. I wanted to scream at each of those people “WHY DID YOU BECOME A TEACHER THEN”? This is the day my teacher heart broke.

I follow some of the best teachers on Instagram who fully devote their life to teaching. I know there are more outstanding teachers then there are negative, and I am in no way saying that every teacher has this opinion. I guess my question is, why don’t they all? Why did we become teachers? I am sure most of the answers would be to change lives and to inspire. I can only answer this question for myself.

I became a teacher to positively impact the lives of students who have not had a positive life. My goal is to let students know that they can and they will. To show students that someone loves them and believes in them, that learning could be fun. At this school, one classroom had 4 teachers in one year. Teachers who thought it was too much, who couldn’t handle it, teachers who told these students they couldn’t learn. If you did not want to change the lives of students, why did you become a teacher? We can’t choose the students that are a convenience. We don’t get to just teach the “good” kids, the “smart” kids. In my opinion these students need us more! I firmly believe that poverty is not a learning disability.

I cannot wait to meet these sweet souls who deserve only the best teacher they can get! I know some days I will fail and I know I won’t be perfect, but I also know I will love them and I will do everything in my teacher power to show them they can.

Thank you to every single teacher who devotes their life to their profession. Who didn’t do it for the “summers off”. The ones who stay well after 3:30 because your students learning is way more valuable to you then your time. Thank you for doing everything you can, every single day. But most importantly, thank you for supporting all other teachers!

I couldn’t be prouder to change lives and I cannot wait to begin my journey to change my new student’s lives! It’s going to be a journey, that I cannot wait to share.